How to Make Your Loved One Feel Special On the Cheap
Inexpensive ways to make your partner feel extraordinary
How do you show your significant other that you treasure them?
Fancy dinners, flowers, and romantic getaways have their place. But some of the best ways to make your partner feel special don’t cost a single cent.
It’s the way you treat them from day to day that has the greatest impact.
If you want to communicate genuine adoration, focus on small but consistent gestures. In reality, these hold more meaning than extravagant one-off displays of affection.
Below are four simple ways to show your loved one how much you value their unique presence in your life. They’re techniques you can use every day.
Practice them as often as you can to leave your loved one feeling extraordinary.
Be curious about your partner’s interests (even if you don’t share them).
Sometimes my boyfriend talks to me enthusiastically about economics.
Now, I have to be honest — the stock market isn’t my favorite subject.
Still, when my partner effuses about the financial charts on his computer screen, I listen. I also try to ask questions to improve my understanding.
That’s because I see the conversation as a gift. It’s my chance to connect with my lover and learn something new.
He’s choosing to share his passion with me, and I want to appreciate that. My curiosity communicates to him: “I’m interested in you.”
Responding in an attentive way “helps your partner feel good about themselves,” says psychologist Dr. John Gottman.
It also means they’re more likely to pursue interactions with you in the future. This keeps your relationship strong.
Were I to sigh instead: “Geez, not those charts again!”, my good-natured man would take it on the chin. But I’d be wasting a precious opportunity to understand what excites him.
Why pass up the chance to share in his joy?
A little enthusiasm goes a long way
Recently, I learned how rewarding it can be to take a little extra interest in your partner’s activities.
For context: my boyfriend often listens to cryptocurrency podcasts in bed. He uses headphones to avoid disturbing my sleep.
Last Saturday, I surprised him by asking him to ditch the headphones so I could listen along.
There’d been some dramatic price movements in the crypto markets that week. I wanted to hear what his favorite podcasters were saying about the news.
You should have seen the way his face lit up when I made that request! Seeing him so pleased made my whole evening, too.
“When you bring a positive attitude to something your partner enjoys, that’s love,” explains marriage counselor Gary Chapman. “And for some people, it is love’s loudest voice.”
The takeaway
Your partner likely has one or two passions you take little pleasure in. When they talk about these, resist the temptation to switch off.
Instead, ask thoughtful questions to discover more about these areas. You’ll broaden your horizons, and gain insight into what makes your partner tick.
“The point is to experience something together,” says Chapman. Most importantly, your partner will sense how much they matter to you.
By making an effort to learn from them, you’re conveying: “I think your world and views are important.”
Compliment your partner for who they are (not just how they look, or what they do).
What kind of compliments do you give your partner most often?
In one study, communication scientists analyzed a sample of almost 1,000 compliments. Words like ‘beautiful’ and ‘pretty’ showed up in the sample again and again.
There’s nothing wrong with that. Most of us want to feel attractive and desired, so complimenting looks is important.
However, it’s not the most profound or memorable form of praise.
When asked “what’s the best compliment you’ve ever received from your partner?”, most people give an answer that has nothing to do with appearance.
That doesn’t surprise me at all.
Don’t get me wrong — I love it when my partner appreciates my looks. He makes sweet comments about everything from my hair texture down to the proportions of my feet.
He’s an expert at making me feel beautiful, and that’s a blessing.
But when he praises me for a character trait, I experience an even deeper kind of joy.
To touch your partner’s heart with your compliments, try to speak to the core of who they are a person.
How to give meaningful compliments
With enough practice, giving character-based compliments will become second nature. Here’s how to make a habit of it.
Start by noticing your partner’s actions, because actions are evidence of character. Pay attention to the attractive things your partner does as they go about their day.
Maybe they crack a witty pun at the breakfast table. Perhaps they see how busy you are, and fold your laundry for you to make your life easier.
Each time you notice something positive, express your appreciation out loud. But don’t just compliment your significant other’s behavior.
Comment on the personality traits that inspired that behavior.
For example, when he or she makes an impressive quip, don’t stop at: “That was a good joke!”
Go one step further and say: “You have an awesome sense of humor.”
When your loved one takes on extra chores, say more than: “Thanks for helping out with the laundry, sweetie.”
Take the opportunity to add: “You’re such a thoughtful, supportive person.”
I learned this technique from Zach Brittle, author of The Relationship Alphabet. He says the best expressions of appreciation extend beyond what your partner does. They’re comments on who your partner is.
The takeaway
Your words have more power than you realize.
As often as you can, use yours to affirm your loved one. Go beyond superficial praise — tell them what you admire about their character.
Don’t underestimate the impact your appreciation could have on their self-esteem. It feels wonderful when someone close to you recognizes your qualities.
Encourage your partner in their goals (emotional and spiritual, as well as financial).
My boyfriend is a natural at offering moral support.
When I started a book club in my city, he cheered me on before the first meeting.
When I joined a support group to help me process family estrangement, he was keen to hear how the meetings went.
When I hiked up a mountain for the first time, he delighted in seeing the pictures.
Since I took up running, he regularly asks me about my progress.
I’m constantly developing as a person. As I pursue what’s important to me, he backs me every step of the way.
That not only makes me feel loved — it makes my journey to bettering myself even more fulfilling.
Important goals aren’t always financial
Often, at the mention of ‘goals’, aspirations related to career and income immediately spring to mind.
But as Gottman reminds us, our partners also have “deeper, more spiritual dreams.”
“For one person, a profound goal may be to find healing after an abusive childhood,” he explains. “Another may want to reconnect with nature, or explore a creative side of themselves.”
If you want your partner to feel understood, show them you honor these deeper dreams. Validate them when they pursue what matters to them.
When your girlfriend finally signs up for that yoga class, tell her you’re rooting for her.
When your husband starts reading about how to grow his own vegetables, let him know you think that’s awesome!
The takeaway
Aside from their financial and practical goals, your partner has other deep-rooted desires. Supporting each other on the road to these goals is one of the most rewarding aspects of a relationship.
Listen respectfully when your partner talks about their hopes. As they pursue their aims, spur them on!
Not sure what partner’s deeper goals are? Gottman suggests asking them the following questions:
What’s one life dream you want to fulfill before you die?
What’s something you really want to do, but keep on postponing?
Celebrate your partner’s successes with them.
Most of us already understand the importance of supporting our loved one through tough times.
But don’t forget — the way we respond to their success has a huge impact on them, too!
Personally, I can attest to this. Whenever something good happens to me, my boyfriend is the first person I want to tell.
I know he loves to see me flourish, and that makes success even more meaningful. I get pleasure from my own achievements — but that pleasure doubles when I tell him about it.
Humans share good news with loved ones as a way of reliving positive experiences, explains psychology professor Shelly Gable. Hence, your reaction to your partner’s disclosure can actually extend their happiness.
For instance, let’s say your mate tells you they just made their first sale via their online business.
A supportive answer might be: “Wow! I’m so happy for you, honey! It’s great that your hard work is starting to pay off! What’s your sales target for this month?”
This kind of response “plays up your partner’s strengths,” says Gable. Asking a question invites them to say more and prolong their positive feelings.
In this way, your enthusiasm adds to the joy of the event, making it even more memorable for your loved one.
The takeaway
When your partner gives you good news, pay attention! You have an amazing opportunity to amplify their happiness.
Give them your full attention and reply in a warm, supportive way. You could also ask questions about their achievements to show your curiosity.
If you do this, you’ll draw out your partner’s delight. They’ll feel even more euphoric for having shared their news with you.
Making your partner feel special doesn’t always have to be expensive or time-consuming.
A powerful, yet free, way to make them feel special is to take an interest in them. Give them your love, attention and encouragement.
Here’s a recap of how you can do this every day for your loved one:
Be curious about what matters to them — even if their passions differ from your own.
Use your words to affirm them by giving meaningful compliments.
Show them you believe in them by encouraging them to pursue their deepest goals.
Celebrate their successes as much as you comfort them in their struggles.
By practicing the above, you can help boost your partner’s self-esteem.
You’re showing them you recognize their unique contribution to the world. That’s the key to helping them feel validated, valued and seen.
Thank you for reading!
I wrote this post for Intimately. It’s a publication for people who want to improve their relationships and sex lives.
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Image credit: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock
This article was originally published in P.S I Love You on Medium.